Zen on Zoom: A Silent Meditation Retreat in a Pandemic
Have you ever been curious about a silent Zen meditation retreat? How about attending a meditation retreat online?
In the blackness my alarm jangles. Fumbling, I silence it, trying not to wake my husband.
Shivering as I slip out of the warm blankets, I pull on sweatpants, a sweater, a warm fleece hat.
I tiptoe into my daughter Grace's room (empty -- she now lives in Vermont) and pull up the shades to let in the darkness, the moon.
I open the lid of my computer and it glows to life. Password. Email. Zoom link. I'm in.
I click "Join without video" so I can shuffle around, gather myself and finally settle on my roost, comfy and quiet.
Then I lean forward to click the red line away from the video icon and there I am, one square among 9, 12, now 14. Darkness still pervades as the bell rings and we settle in. 6AM.
Each day of the silent retreat starts this way, followed by walking meditation and a break for breakfast. The mornings are my favorite times, apart from dragging myself out of bed, that part I don't really like. But as we sit, the light slowly rises, even as we settle deeper.
The silence is profound, just this breath...then this one...then this one.
What I realized, though, on this retreat, is that when we practice from home, on Zoom, I'm missing the joy of stepping out of my life, my milieu, the day to day. I’m missing the escape to the meditation retreat.
Before the pandemic, these meditation retreats were held in western Connecticut. We stay in a lovely old farmhouse amidst a gorgeous rolling countryside. We eat delicious food. And yes, we sit and walk and sit and walk for long hours, but also we watch for beavers in the river. Listen to the birds and walk among the trees.
Here at home it's "Here is your life. How do you live? How will you meet it today?" No escape!
Sitting the retreat here (as is the common Zen phrasing), at home, I was forced to sit with myself, my life, with the way things truly are, not distracted by a beautiful landscape, adventure, a harmonious Zendo for sitting...
Sitting closer to the truth of my daily life, with things as they actually are and not how I'd like them to be.
In the end, after three and a half days my nervous system had dropped a few notches, as it usually does on long (ish) retreats.
It felt easy to drop right into my body, the breath, and there were times of pure relaxation and joy, just as there are on "Real" retreats. The beauty was that afterward I had no long drive and no bumpy transition back into my life. I was already here, real, in it. What a surprising gift!
Are you a a meditation practitioner, or curious about meditating? I offer a Free Monday Meditations on Zoom.
They’re low-key, relaxing, lightly guided 30-minute sessions, perfect for beginners or seasoned meditators.
All are welcome — and the beauty of Zoom is that we can practice together from anywhere in the world! To get on the email list and receive the weekly Zoom link, please fill out this quick contact form.